The Night Before Death
by P. C. Helfier
Summary: ...This is a song fic, and also a death fic. It contains suicide, R&R please! ((Not the normal suicide situation and such))


The Night Before Death

I sat there, staring at nothing. The wind outside was whipping around trees, painfully.  Seemed as if everyone could feel my pain.

((Honou no you na Kanashimi iyasu

Tsumetai ame ga konya wa furi tsuzuku

Dareka wo aishi Dareka wo nikumi

Itameta mune no oku made shimite iku))

We said our goodbyes for the night.  We had planned to go out to dinner tomorrow night, then I was going to tell you.

The one thing I've been neglecting to tell you for so long, although, I think you already knew.

((Ano hi shinjita koto

Sore wo koukai nanka shite nai

Itsu ka wakareu koto

Unmei no yakusoku da yo))

Maybe I should have told you sooner than later.  It was fear that drove me away from you.  

What was I scared of?  I'm not sure anymore…maybe it was scaring you away.  But…you felt the same way didn't you? 

 I'm sorry I never said those three little words…

((KISSU ga sabishikute Kokoro hanareteku

Futari kako ni aetara yokatta no ni

Setsunai omoi mo itsuka 

Sotto natsukashiku naru))

I'm trying not to blame myself for what happened to you.  I know you're in heaven, how do I know?  

No one as angelic and innocent as you could ever go anywhere else.  If I were to die would I join you there?

((Naze umareta no ka Naze Ikiteru no ka

Donna riyuu mo ame ga keshite iku

Nani mo tsutawaranakute

Ai wa kowareru))

Everyone comes to my house, they're all saying how sorry they are.  

None of that matters though, none of that is going to bring you back.  

Why do they bother… it only makes me remember how much I miss you.
    
    ((Aoi honou wa   Kiyoku no na-nokori
    
    Hari no you na ame ga tsuki-sashite iku
    
    Dareka no sakebi  Dareka no yume ga
    
    Nureta hodou no katasumi iki taeru))
    
    Aniki comes over to see me more often than he use to.  What a drastic change that has occurred;  
    
    I miss you, Sakuma, Ryuichi.  I wish I could join you in heaven…but is that what you really want?  
    
    Aniki is sad, I don't see Shuichi anymore, I wonder why?
    
    ((Nani mo dekinai kedo 
    
    Hitotsu mamoritai mono ga atta yo
    
    Tou ni kakushita kara
    
    Ima wa warau shika nai no sa))
    
    I'm looking out my window again, I hear a knock on my door…I tell the person on the other side that it's unlocked.  
    
    Aniki comes in, he's got bags under his eyes. I look at him and ask him what's the matter.  He looks at me and then down at the floor. 
    
     I make a move to stand but he holds his hand up.  I can't understand his mumbling but I manage to catch a few words.
    
    "Shuichi…balcony…blood…note…Ryuichi…"
    
     I don't understand…what about Ryuichi…what happened?  Aniki tell me!  Shuichi…what about a balcony…is Shuichi hurt?
    
    ((Ame ga kanashikute  Subete kanashikute
    
    Moshimo shiawasena toki kizametara
    
    Hakanai negai to shitte 
    
    Sotto namida wo yurasu))
    
    Aniki finally finds the words.
    
    "Shuichi is dead Tatsuha…he jumped off my balcony.  I found his suicide note…"
    
    My eyes widen in shock, Shuichi…committed suicide?  Aniki hands me the note and I begin reading the messy Kanji.
    
    _Yuki:_
    
    _I'm sorry to disappoint you Yuki.  But the death of my beloved Sakuma, Ryuichi is too much for me to handle.  _
    
    _I never meant to hurt you, but this is how I decided everything's going to end.  _
    
    _I loved Ryu-chan with all my heart.  I loved you at a time, but your coldness has driven that feeling away.  _
    
    _I know that by doing this I won't be able to be with Ryu-chan…but at least I won't have to live without him.  _
    
    _Maybe one day someone can warm your heart enough to let you see how many people actually care about you.  _
    
    _Tell Tatsuha I am sorry, but I can no longer be with him in his time of need.  _
    
    _As a dieing man's last wish I want you to take care of Tatsuha in my place.  _
    
    _Please know that I did love you Yuki, and maybe I still do…but this is the end…for me…_
    
    _                                              Love Always,_
    
    _                                              Shuichi Shindo_
    
    ((Ame yo furu ga ii  Honou kieru made
    
    Soshite yume no uta kata o houmurou
    
    Nani mo tsutawara nakute
    
    Ai wa kowareru  Ai wa kowareru))
    
    I promise you Shuichi…I will take care of Yuki.  You might not have been able to see it but he loved you…and maybe so did I.  
    
    If you do go to heaven tell Ryuichi I said "I love you".
    
    A/N:
    
    Ok…this was a fic that I was pressured into writing…but I think it turned out pretty good! 
    
     The song if written by Tomokazu Seki, he sings a few songs from Gravitation.  
    
    This is a dedicated fic to my friend Yaro…::mumbles:: who pressured me to write it…stupid Yaro !  
    
    But yes…please R&R…I might want to continue if I get enough feedback…and flames are welcome as well…


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